And now for something completely different...

It hasn't escaped my attention that there is a certain irony in my last blog entry... I try to keep this this space fairly funny (I hope) and lighthearted; so my last post was a serious entry in this funny (I hope) and lighthearted blog that goes on to defend writing funny and lighthearted communications home... as I said, a certain irony there. Anyway, I thought that something a bit lighter was called for in tonight's entry, so a fashion piece!!

I mentioned in a previous post that I had recently purchased a new holster from an online purveyor of military/tactical gear using the "internets". The issue was that the standard issue holster is a real pain to use. It fits on a belt, the big thick green belt that holds your canteens and such; and nobody carries canteens, leastwise on base, because every other block there are pallets and pallets of bottled water. (In fact, there is a place on base called the Oasis where they have a water-filtration and bottling plant that turns out ten of thousands of gallons of bottled water--although they come in 1.5 liter bottles.) So, there is this big belt with a holster that you can wear--both items being olive drab green which doesn't match the uniform at all (fashion police!!). If you wear this belt/holster get-up you are screwed: 1) wear it outside your blouse (the camouflage uniform shirt which is worn un-tucked) and restrict access to both the pockets on the blouse and your standard pants pockets--not good because you have to CONSTANTLY reach into said pockets to get out your ID card, or 2) wear it under the blouse where it looks funny in a lumpy sort of way, you cannot reach the weapon if, heaven forbid, you actually need it, and the blouse constantly rides up over it and simply ruins the line and cut of the uniform. As I said, unsatisfactory.

What to do? For the first several weeks I was in theater, when I still had hopes of buying a holster here, I carried the pistol in my left front pants pocket--you might think this obvious, and it is, but quite simply NOBODY does this... it is a fashion risk. Some would say it is risky in other areas too, like "what happens if the weapon goes off while in your pocket?" The fact is, on base, we keep our weapons in "condition green"--think of the terror alert colors, as they progress from green to yellow to red the weapon becomes more dangerous--which is unloaded and no magazine in the weapon. The magazine with the bullets is kept in another pocket in this scenario--the right bottom blouse pocket, if you must know, and you must. When you go with the pocket option you feel sneaky, because you are carrying a "concealed" weapon. Fact is, everyone (active duty military for sure, Blackwater maybe) is supposed to be carrying a weapon at all times--unless PTing (physical training, exercising). You cannot go into the chow hall (or anywhere else for that matter) without a weapon--occasionally the guards at the chow hall will stop a person (me) with no obvious weapon and ask "where is your weapon?" in their cute and polite Ugandan accents. Their eyes get quite wide when you whip a pistol out of your pocket!! Oftentimes that is enough for them to allow passage, but sometimes their curiosity gets the better of them and they ask where the ammo is. Needless to say, they are equally impressed and let me go without another word--speechless!! I say priceless!

The second option, is a shoulder holster--this rig is put on something like a vest and holds the pistol on the left (so a right-handed person can reach over and grab it for good effect) and the loaded magazines on the right. There is something satisfying about the nearness of the cold, heavy steel--I think it potentiates the testosterone receptors or up regulates serotonin production or whatever... The shoulder rig looks serious and you feel serious when you wear it--even if you are also wearing bunny ears. Trust me, I know. Of course, if you try to do a cartwheel, or even bend over, while wearing the shoulder holster the weapon will flip about and whack you upside the head. From personal observation I can tell you that jumping jacks are particularly dangerous as both the weapon AND the loaded (i.e. heavy) magazines will impact either side of your head simultaneously causing great harm to body and ego.

Here are pictures of both setups.

The concealed weapon look (note that the blouse is lifted up so you can even see the weapon, otherwise you wouldn't even know it was there... unless the weight of it pulled my pants down, but I tend to keep my belt cinched up for just that reason)


The exposed weapon look (note the in-your-face, cannot-ignore-it statement: I have a weapon)


Now, I realize the uniform and the exposed weapon are scary-looking; I hope no one peed their pants or passed out (although I suspect expect any pants-peeing or out-passing might be due to laughter vice fear). But, that may be the main advantage of the shoulder holster.

So, my fashion dilemma is laid before you: the comfort, clean sartorial lines and secret "sneakiness" of the concealed-weapon look that risks holes in the pocket and the embarrassment of a weapon sliding out my pant leg...

OR

the practical, intimidating (with or without bunny ears) militancy of the exposed weapon look that risks mild traumatic brain injury if I ever give in to the ever-present urge to skip.

I leave it to you to decide. All of you... e-mail peg (pegfaix@gmail.com ) and let her know your thoughts on the matter. She will collect, aggregate, collate, separate and tally the votes and then tell me what to do--it will be just like home!! So, please, e-mail her quickly. Have your children, parents, friends, colleagues, and pets send their opinion also... (unless you are voting in Florida or Michigan, in which case you vote is null and void because you were too early) Fashion democracy at its best!!

4000

It has been almost exactly 24 hours since we broke the 4000 dead from battle wounds mark here in Iraq--a dubious milestone coming so soon after the five-year mark. This article in the New York Times was a real heart-breaker/and tear-jerker. Here is a quote that caught my eye:

In excerpts published here from journals, blogs and e-mail messages, five soldiers who died in the most recent group of 1,000 mostly skim the alarming particulars of combat, a kindness shown their relatives and close friends. Instead, they plunge readily into the mundane, but no less important rhythms of home. They fire off comments about holiday celebrations, impending weddings, credit card bills, school antics and the creeping anxiety of family members who are coping with one deployment too many.

I will plead the fifth on those charges; but, the fact is, that keeping up with the rhythms of home, celebrations, and school is important. It keeps the link strong, it keeps the craziness outside one's head from coming in...
I am lucky that my job is to keep people healthy and not to deal with the after-effects (usually) of suicide bombers or IEDs. Despite the occasional threat of random mortars/rockets, I am have it pretty safe and secure here.
I regret and painfully feel every minute that I lose with my family, home, friends, and even my job back home, but my (and my family's) sacrifice pales in comparison to the men and women that are out on the front lines... a moment for them...

Color

Last time I was here, I painted my door a bright cheery yellow to get some color among all the brown-ness. this time I was lucky enough to be the recipient of a donation of some intensely colored and festive rugs--well, not rugs, let's call them floor treatments or straw mats. I have also, of late, obtained a small fridge, microwave and even a coffee pot--nobody believe that a Navy guy doesn't drink coffee so they insisted I take it--which is useful for making hot water. All of these fine items are on view in this new pic of my humble abode.


After a few days though, it became clear that there was too much color for even me; in fact, too much color for the floor treatments themselves, as they shared their color with anything they touched. My lovely faux-wood floor was becoming purple, the kind of purple that mopping doesn't affect. If I picked up the "rugs" to sweep, my pants and hands took on a certain festive hue... So, the rugs went in the trash-the Army thinks this Navy guy is eccentric enough without wearing purple camouflage!

Now the room looks like this:



The eagle-eyed among you (or if you like those puzzles in the newspaper with two pictures and eight differences between them) will note that there has been some serious rearrangement of the furniture in my life. The desktop now sits upon my two nightstand/endtables and the second bed has been dismantled and stored between my bed and the wall, except for the vertical endpieces which, as part of the bunkbed setup, sit nicely on top of my bedframe and give some nice height and a place to hang stuff. And, as a replacement for the lost color in my life, I now have the cards that all of you (thanks so very much) have sent and, most importantly, original artwork from a talented young artist that many of you know as Izzy.

PS: when I downloaded the above pics from my camera I also found the below pics of the artist herself (sitting at the fountain in Balboa Park shortly before my departure).

To Dive or Not to Dive...

I woke up this morning, and started my usual routine to get ready for the day and work... only to realize that my toothbrush was not sitting on the shelf where I always put it, right next to the toothpaste... hmmm, perhaps I left in in the ablutions trailer last evening. Lucky for me, that my beautiful wife had recently sent me my daypack and it contained an extra toothbrush (and travel size toothpaste and 5 800g motrin). I grab the extra toothbrush and start walking the 80 steps towards the head. As I walk, I start the debate--if I find the toothbrush will I throw it away or would I consider using it? This is not an easy decision, but it should be. I mean, who could even contemplate using a toothbrush after it sat out all night in a public restroom exposed to entirely too much atmosphere? But, I have gone dumpster diving before for treasured personal hygiene products and this is one helluva toothbrush! So, I am secretly hoping that the toothbrush isn't there when I get to the sinks... and my wish is granted, I am saved from having to make such a difficult decision. Note that I didn't even look at the trash can--maybe some new mouthwash is in order anyway...

Ready for Easter...

The young soldier posing here was afraid that I might post this icture on my blog with a caption about how the Army was going off the deep-end just over half-way through their 15month deployment... but, I have only been here a month and I am already wearing bunny ears... what does that say about me!!??