And now for something completely different...

It hasn't escaped my attention that there is a certain irony in my last blog entry... I try to keep this this space fairly funny (I hope) and lighthearted; so my last post was a serious entry in this funny (I hope) and lighthearted blog that goes on to defend writing funny and lighthearted communications home... as I said, a certain irony there. Anyway, I thought that something a bit lighter was called for in tonight's entry, so a fashion piece!!

I mentioned in a previous post that I had recently purchased a new holster from an online purveyor of military/tactical gear using the "internets". The issue was that the standard issue holster is a real pain to use. It fits on a belt, the big thick green belt that holds your canteens and such; and nobody carries canteens, leastwise on base, because every other block there are pallets and pallets of bottled water. (In fact, there is a place on base called the Oasis where they have a water-filtration and bottling plant that turns out ten of thousands of gallons of bottled water--although they come in 1.5 liter bottles.) So, there is this big belt with a holster that you can wear--both items being olive drab green which doesn't match the uniform at all (fashion police!!). If you wear this belt/holster get-up you are screwed: 1) wear it outside your blouse (the camouflage uniform shirt which is worn un-tucked) and restrict access to both the pockets on the blouse and your standard pants pockets--not good because you have to CONSTANTLY reach into said pockets to get out your ID card, or 2) wear it under the blouse where it looks funny in a lumpy sort of way, you cannot reach the weapon if, heaven forbid, you actually need it, and the blouse constantly rides up over it and simply ruins the line and cut of the uniform. As I said, unsatisfactory.

What to do? For the first several weeks I was in theater, when I still had hopes of buying a holster here, I carried the pistol in my left front pants pocket--you might think this obvious, and it is, but quite simply NOBODY does this... it is a fashion risk. Some would say it is risky in other areas too, like "what happens if the weapon goes off while in your pocket?" The fact is, on base, we keep our weapons in "condition green"--think of the terror alert colors, as they progress from green to yellow to red the weapon becomes more dangerous--which is unloaded and no magazine in the weapon. The magazine with the bullets is kept in another pocket in this scenario--the right bottom blouse pocket, if you must know, and you must. When you go with the pocket option you feel sneaky, because you are carrying a "concealed" weapon. Fact is, everyone (active duty military for sure, Blackwater maybe) is supposed to be carrying a weapon at all times--unless PTing (physical training, exercising). You cannot go into the chow hall (or anywhere else for that matter) without a weapon--occasionally the guards at the chow hall will stop a person (me) with no obvious weapon and ask "where is your weapon?" in their cute and polite Ugandan accents. Their eyes get quite wide when you whip a pistol out of your pocket!! Oftentimes that is enough for them to allow passage, but sometimes their curiosity gets the better of them and they ask where the ammo is. Needless to say, they are equally impressed and let me go without another word--speechless!! I say priceless!

The second option, is a shoulder holster--this rig is put on something like a vest and holds the pistol on the left (so a right-handed person can reach over and grab it for good effect) and the loaded magazines on the right. There is something satisfying about the nearness of the cold, heavy steel--I think it potentiates the testosterone receptors or up regulates serotonin production or whatever... The shoulder rig looks serious and you feel serious when you wear it--even if you are also wearing bunny ears. Trust me, I know. Of course, if you try to do a cartwheel, or even bend over, while wearing the shoulder holster the weapon will flip about and whack you upside the head. From personal observation I can tell you that jumping jacks are particularly dangerous as both the weapon AND the loaded (i.e. heavy) magazines will impact either side of your head simultaneously causing great harm to body and ego.

Here are pictures of both setups.

The concealed weapon look (note that the blouse is lifted up so you can even see the weapon, otherwise you wouldn't even know it was there... unless the weight of it pulled my pants down, but I tend to keep my belt cinched up for just that reason)


The exposed weapon look (note the in-your-face, cannot-ignore-it statement: I have a weapon)


Now, I realize the uniform and the exposed weapon are scary-looking; I hope no one peed their pants or passed out (although I suspect expect any pants-peeing or out-passing might be due to laughter vice fear). But, that may be the main advantage of the shoulder holster.

So, my fashion dilemma is laid before you: the comfort, clean sartorial lines and secret "sneakiness" of the concealed-weapon look that risks holes in the pocket and the embarrassment of a weapon sliding out my pant leg...

OR

the practical, intimidating (with or without bunny ears) militancy of the exposed weapon look that risks mild traumatic brain injury if I ever give in to the ever-present urge to skip.

I leave it to you to decide. All of you... e-mail peg (pegfaix@gmail.com ) and let her know your thoughts on the matter. She will collect, aggregate, collate, separate and tally the votes and then tell me what to do--it will be just like home!! So, please, e-mail her quickly. Have your children, parents, friends, colleagues, and pets send their opinion also... (unless you are voting in Florida or Michigan, in which case you vote is null and void because you were too early) Fashion democracy at its best!!

4000

It has been almost exactly 24 hours since we broke the 4000 dead from battle wounds mark here in Iraq--a dubious milestone coming so soon after the five-year mark. This article in the New York Times was a real heart-breaker/and tear-jerker. Here is a quote that caught my eye:

In excerpts published here from journals, blogs and e-mail messages, five soldiers who died in the most recent group of 1,000 mostly skim the alarming particulars of combat, a kindness shown their relatives and close friends. Instead, they plunge readily into the mundane, but no less important rhythms of home. They fire off comments about holiday celebrations, impending weddings, credit card bills, school antics and the creeping anxiety of family members who are coping with one deployment too many.

I will plead the fifth on those charges; but, the fact is, that keeping up with the rhythms of home, celebrations, and school is important. It keeps the link strong, it keeps the craziness outside one's head from coming in...
I am lucky that my job is to keep people healthy and not to deal with the after-effects (usually) of suicide bombers or IEDs. Despite the occasional threat of random mortars/rockets, I am have it pretty safe and secure here.
I regret and painfully feel every minute that I lose with my family, home, friends, and even my job back home, but my (and my family's) sacrifice pales in comparison to the men and women that are out on the front lines... a moment for them...

Color

Last time I was here, I painted my door a bright cheery yellow to get some color among all the brown-ness. this time I was lucky enough to be the recipient of a donation of some intensely colored and festive rugs--well, not rugs, let's call them floor treatments or straw mats. I have also, of late, obtained a small fridge, microwave and even a coffee pot--nobody believe that a Navy guy doesn't drink coffee so they insisted I take it--which is useful for making hot water. All of these fine items are on view in this new pic of my humble abode.


After a few days though, it became clear that there was too much color for even me; in fact, too much color for the floor treatments themselves, as they shared their color with anything they touched. My lovely faux-wood floor was becoming purple, the kind of purple that mopping doesn't affect. If I picked up the "rugs" to sweep, my pants and hands took on a certain festive hue... So, the rugs went in the trash-the Army thinks this Navy guy is eccentric enough without wearing purple camouflage!

Now the room looks like this:



The eagle-eyed among you (or if you like those puzzles in the newspaper with two pictures and eight differences between them) will note that there has been some serious rearrangement of the furniture in my life. The desktop now sits upon my two nightstand/endtables and the second bed has been dismantled and stored between my bed and the wall, except for the vertical endpieces which, as part of the bunkbed setup, sit nicely on top of my bedframe and give some nice height and a place to hang stuff. And, as a replacement for the lost color in my life, I now have the cards that all of you (thanks so very much) have sent and, most importantly, original artwork from a talented young artist that many of you know as Izzy.

PS: when I downloaded the above pics from my camera I also found the below pics of the artist herself (sitting at the fountain in Balboa Park shortly before my departure).

To Dive or Not to Dive...

I woke up this morning, and started my usual routine to get ready for the day and work... only to realize that my toothbrush was not sitting on the shelf where I always put it, right next to the toothpaste... hmmm, perhaps I left in in the ablutions trailer last evening. Lucky for me, that my beautiful wife had recently sent me my daypack and it contained an extra toothbrush (and travel size toothpaste and 5 800g motrin). I grab the extra toothbrush and start walking the 80 steps towards the head. As I walk, I start the debate--if I find the toothbrush will I throw it away or would I consider using it? This is not an easy decision, but it should be. I mean, who could even contemplate using a toothbrush after it sat out all night in a public restroom exposed to entirely too much atmosphere? But, I have gone dumpster diving before for treasured personal hygiene products and this is one helluva toothbrush! So, I am secretly hoping that the toothbrush isn't there when I get to the sinks... and my wish is granted, I am saved from having to make such a difficult decision. Note that I didn't even look at the trash can--maybe some new mouthwash is in order anyway...

Ready for Easter...

The young soldier posing here was afraid that I might post this icture on my blog with a caption about how the Army was going off the deep-end just over half-way through their 15month deployment... but, I have only been here a month and I am already wearing bunny ears... what does that say about me!!??

My internet...

Deployment is rough: the steak and crab legs or lobster tails on Friday nights are overcooked; there are often only three flavors (versus 31) of ice cream; the beer is non-alcoholic; and, the worst, the internet in my trailer is for crap... By the way, the first three things on that list I don't pay for (except in that the government docks my salary according to the meals they are so beneficently providing me), but the last item on the list is a pay service. The first afternoon I had in my trailer I pulled out the old laptop and checked for a wireless connection--there it was, strong, simple, easy... jump online, pay my $ and off I go posting on the blog, sending and receiving e-mails, and catching up on the latest at newscientist.com... However, later that evening it was a different story, to wit, there was no wireless available whatsoever!?!? Strange how the wireless provider can be there when you need to pay money, but when you go to use the service it is--poof!--gone!!

Turns out that in my particular location, the planets, atmospheric conditions and wireless antennas only line up around 1-2 o'clock in the afternoon. The rest of the time I need to go outside, about 35 steps (I will report on the steps to the bathrooms and showers in the near future), and stand next to a railing where I perch the laptop, expose my body to the elements and nasty flying, biting insects (risking disfiguring skin infections and the long term sequelae of encephalitis), breath the dust, and and endure the bemused looks of passersby all to feel connected to you all--get the e-mail and post to the blog.

I decided to remedy the situation. I bought a chair. I needed one for the CHU anyway because sitting on the small bedside table to type on the computer on the bed was hurting my delicate sensibilities. So, today, I undertook a journey to the PX (aka exchange, mall, store) involving a bus ride from Camp Victory, my living and working area, to Camp Liberty, a nearby section of the large Victory Base Complex made up of 6 or 7 bases with names like Victory, Slayer, Liberty, Cropper. I did some serious comparison shopping, they had a blue folding camp chair for ten dollars and a desert brown folding camp chair for $7--I could see no difference between the two chairs other than color.

I plunked down my $7, which is exactly the price for a Swiffer Sweeper 5 Signs of Clean Starter Kit which I also bought--for the curious, the 5 Signs of Clean are: see, smell, feel, shine, and trap and toss... (yes, that is six, but 1 and 4 are redundant and the "trap and toss" is considered a single sign on the box even though they are actions... Although, if people throw their garbage in the trash can, that would be a good, general sign of cleanliness.)

I take the bus back to "home" base and walk "home" with my booty. Anxious to see my planned improvements in action, I unwrap the chair, grab the laptop and head out 35 steps to where I have a clear shot at the wifi connection. All I can say is, "wow, that's nice!" It worked out swimmingly, I sent and received e-mails and posted to this very blog without a hitch, snug and comfortable in the chair, not caring a whit about the sun beating down on my bald head (no bugs during the day--I will have to remember that!).

Then I packed up and came back inside the trailer and tried sitting in the chair in front of my "desk". Another much improved experience--things are really looking up. Then I look down and notice that the damn chair is already broken! One of the rivets has popped on the left front base of the chair--what kind of $7 chair doesn't make through a first sitting without breaking!?!? I had already shredded and thrown away the receipt--the base is paranoid (appropriately) about receipts and addresses from packages--these all get shredded so that they don't fall into enemy hands.

Well, as I noted at the beginning of this post, deployment is rough... there are deprivations we must deal with... luckily, 550 cord is one of the cornerstones of deployment life--quite similar to duct tape at home--used for improvising a field expedient version of just about anything you can think of... so here is a photo of my chair in the trailer and a close up of the field expedient $7 folding camping chair fix that allows me to access my internet in comfort...




By the way, 550 cord will figure prominently when I implement the next step in my internet access improvement campaign: the DIY directional wifi transceiver and antenna... stay tuned!

First Package from Home

Actually, only a couple days after posting my mailing address, I received two packages in the mail--one from dear friends JP and Dianne in Cupertino (you can see the calendar and some of the reading material they sent in the pictures in my previous post). The other was a shoulder holster that I ordered online for my pistol. I had waited to get a holster, figuring that the store here would have what I wanted--no dice! Amazing, everyone here wears one, but the store doesn't carry them... very odd. But, you can get children's vitamins and bags of dog food... there aren't any children on base and dogs aren't allowed (except for military working dogs, but they get their food elsewhere).

Where was I, oh yeah, the other day I got my first package from Peg... lots of good reading material (New Scientist and the New Yorker); a stack of Isabel's daily reports from daycare, the first of which indicated that Izzy had cried for "Daddy" that day--luckily none of the other s said that too or I would have had to go home right then; and a nice card from Peg's work...

No wonder Peg likes it there, too bad she had to cut back on her hours due to my deployment. of course, if she would start her own blog she would be able to say herself how much she liked working and being a single parent to three loony children... come to think of it, perhaps I will post some of Peg's e-mails (edited to protect the innocent!)

Thanks again Biomatrica folk--card was very nice to get--and most excellent Cupertino neighbors!!

the CHU--after a week of heavy decorating

Well, I wouldn't say I have been decorating all week, but here is the current setup--I still need to get a few things and organize a bit more... but I am pacing myself, no reason to do everything now--I have 6 months!!



Note the very chic (sheik? enough PUNishment) mosquito netting wall treatment--a fasion risk, but I am the guy that is just crazy enough to pull it off!


And, the fancy desk made out of a scavenged piece of melamine board from discarded furniture (don't tell Peg, she'll call me trailer trash again)





Sit down, take your boots off... under the nice cooling breeze of our built-in AC unit!!


Note that the window, previously completely blocked is now sunshiny and fresh airy!

My CHU--inside!

Here is what it looked like the first night I moved in... two beds, two wall lockers, two night stands and two lamps...

I hung up the Tahoe calendar that JP and Diane sent. The red blanket I stole from the airplane on the trip over here.

Pictures start at the right when you walk in the door and go around...

My CHU

So, I told you the story of moving into my CHU, here are the pics to prove it!

here is a picture of my row of trailers--see why I had trouble finding mine? It is the fifth one down--smack in the middle!


This is the view from my "stoop"...


When I stand in my front door and look up--note the birdie


When I stand in my door and look down... I don't look down much...

Brave or Stupid... you make the call!

I am bonding with the Army guys I work with, slowly but surely... Today was the day they wanted to go for a run. There are two guys that have been PTing together for the last six months or so of the deployment (their time, not mine), but they had fallen out of the routine for the previous month or so. Since I have been running a lot, I guess it may have spurred them on a bit. And we agreed to meet at 0540 this morning to go for an easy run. That is pretty early--especially at this time of year. It isn't hot enough yet, in my mind to justify getting up tat early to miss the heat of the day for PT. But, it wasn't my call...
This morning I wake up at 0515 to the sound of the wind howling something awful, and then the unmistakeable tap-tap-tap of raindrops on the tin roof (metal anyway)... I dress and head out the door--nasty, nasty, nasty! The rain and wind have whipped up the dust so that the air is thicker with dust than it is with water, but there is enough water on the ground that there is a slick coating of mud on all the surfaces, AND there is lightning, AND it is COLD in the wind and rain. No person in their right mind would run in this weather...
But, if I don't show up the Army guys might show up (promises were made!), and then give me a bad time about wimping out--I cannot let that happen! Of course, if they are smart, they won't show up and they can give me a bad time about being dumb/crazy enough to actually go run in this weather.... A serious Catch-22!! So, I run down there and run about for a few minutes waiting for them--slippery and cold and covered with mud: me and the sidewalk and the street. I figure that if they aren't there, then I can lie and say I was just as smart as they were and didn't show up; and, if they are there I can convince them to go to the gym instead. Whereas if I just didn't show up, I wouldn't know if they had actually showed or not... indefinite knowledge is difficult to stomach.
They weren't there! So, I ran around the housing area (maybe a mile) and ran back to my CHU and changed and lay back down and read and took a nap--perfect!
When I got into work later, one of them actually tried the, "I was there, where were you?" line for a minute, but he knew I wasn't' lying when I said, "bullshit! I was there!" So, I called them wimps and they called me stupid... great bonding!

No Country for Old Den

I got a trailer yesterday!! I was tired at the end of the day, and planned on going home early (about 8pm) and laying in the rack and watching a movie (No Country for Old Men) and going to bed. On a whim I stopped at the KBR office to check the list--lo and behold, I had a trailer.

So, I fill out the little bits of paper that they require--multiple signatures in triplicate and all that jazz... then the guy hands me a map and gives me directions to my trailer... the map is relatively simple, but deceptive in its simplicity--because it is wrong, and what seems at first glance to be a compass pointing north is actually just a smudge on the photocopy that is several generations from the original. I figured this out after searching around the area for about 25 minutes before I found it.

The problem is, these trailer parks are similar, in this respect, to the houses in my neighborhood; they all look alike. The "yards" all look alike--gravel on the ground and a t-wall for a fence (a t-wall is a largish, 15 ft high, cement barrier that is used to wall off everything on base--literally). The CHUs (containerized housing units--we are NOT trailer trash despite what my wife might call me... maybe CHU folk--similar to hobbits only bigger and less hirsute...) all look exactly the same too, a small metal stoop, a door a window and an AC unit... they are lined up in unending rows, row upon row, then all grouped together in clusters, and then in super-clusters--a universe of CHU super-galaxies, that is what Iraq has become...

I finally found the damn CHU that was mine, despite the lack of signs, numbers, etc that might have helped... The room is pleasant enough, but all my stuff is back at work and in the transient tent... so, I need to go traipsing around the base in the dark (walking in the dark of Iraq is another post entirely) dragging and carrying and rolling my "stuff"--I am so glad the Narmy issued me so much equipment for my deployment so that I can carry it from place to place and never use it...

I throw all the stuff down--now I am REALLY tired, and it is late (10pm), but I still want to watch the movie... At this point, when I want to eat an ice cream, I don't think twice about it--I am in a freaking war zone! So, I stayed up past my bed time and watched the movie... The movie was pretty good--oscar-winner, right? But, I am not convinced that I saw that same movie that everyone else has, simply because this was a third-hand pirated movie from the local "movie shop" on base... the copy was of reasonable quality, I could see and hear everything except for a bit dead-center left to right and 1/3 the way up from the bottom where there clearly had been a couple text lines that were blurred out--they lasted for the duration of the movie. And some of the edits between scenes were quite rough--not something I would have expected in a finished product. These things make me wonder--so, now I will have to get the movie when I get home, just to see if it is different or not...

In one day, I get a trailer and get to watch an oscar-winning movie... I am having a lucky future!!

Lucky Future!

After the 5K run the other day, when I went back to the tent, the guys who woke me and then started snoring were still sound asleep. I left the lights on, went about showering up and then-since it was dark as night in the tent-I went back to the office to read and do some work. Later in the afternoon I went back and the visitors were gone, but their bags were there-good news, the bags were only backpacks which meant that they were just passing through and not moving permanently into my transient tent... Another several hour absence from the tent-shopping for new clippers (that's another story), dinner, more office time-and I return to see the guys lounging about. As I enter the tent I say "hi" just in time to catch the goat-smell-I don't know what these guys did all day, but they needed a shower bad... the airflow in the tent isn't so great...

Turns out they speak little to no English and I don't even recognize the language that they do speak... so, I lay down to read... after awhile they get up to head off to catch their plane/helo/convoy out of the area... the leader gives me a box of girl scout cookies (the peanut butter ones)-who knew there were GS cookies in Iraq?!? And then he smiles and tells me, "Lucky Future!!" and heads out the door...

Motivation

This morning was the first race on my road to running fitness. It was perfect, a Navy Day 5K put on by the local First Class Petty Officer's Association-I really had no choice but to participate. My goal was to run under 20 minutes, and I did-barely with a 19:48... The start was exciting because all the young active duty people want to run fast at the start and crowd the line (and there are well over a thousand people racing) on the narrow street that has a sharp left turn in the first 50 meters of the race... so, that meant starting out a bit faster than I wanted, but I was able to ease back into a "sensible" pace after the first couple hundred meters-but I paid for it later!

So that was nice; last night wasn't so nice... for the last ten days I have been in the transient tents waiting for a permanent place to live, a trailer. I have moved up the list from 16th or so to 7th or so... progress. After the first two nights in the tent I have been completely alone in there-nice ten-man tent and little old me... Last night (this morning) at 0400 four dudes come trudging into the tent, shuffling and snuffling about, making their beds, and talking and reeking of cigarette smoke, they promptly lay down and commence snoring! Arrgh! I was planning on getting up a bit early for this race, but that was ridiculous!! My only hope is that they are truly transient and are leaving for somewhere else today, or that I get my trailer sooner rather than later...